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Well, they’ll never have to restock at least.
Picture I took outside my grocery store: Inflation is really getting out of hand. On my way out I showed the cashier the picture and asked if the price was really “zero bundles of wood for $3.95″ and...
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The things you don’t know might just bite you in the…well, not the ass, exactly.
Last week I was discussing the taint with my friends (as you do) and wondered aloud how that part of your body even got a name and one of my friends was like, “Seriously? Because it t’aint your...
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What are poopers?
I’ve heard about people on TV doing poppers but I didn’t know what they are, so I mentioned them to a friend and he was like, “Poppers. Yeah. They relax your butthole”. I was pretty sure he was...
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Let me be frank.
This week I spoke at frank in Florida and it was lovely. Click here to see the glorious magnificence of my hotel room. I highly recommend checking out all of the speeches but if you have 30 minutes...
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Good Luck Satan
Yesterday I went to a thrift store and I saw an old hand-embroidered tablecloth and I thought, Does that say “GOOD LUCK SATAN”? Then I looked closer and realized that no…no it doesn’t say that. It...
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There should be a yelp for places you visit in your sleep.
Do you ever have dreams so real and bizarre that you are certain you must’ve actually been somewhere that exists because there is no way that place came from your head? Because I have them sometimes...
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Ho ho ho. Green ballsack.
I was just wondering if the Jolly Green Giant was made of vegetables, because if so it seems sort of cruel to make him a spokesperson for eating vegetables. I looked it up and it urns out that the...
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Colorful and terrible and beautiful all at once.
I took this picture a few days ago for several reasons: 1. It’s hilarious. 2. It’s the perfect example of human nature. Doing exactly what you’re told not to do. 3. It’s very pretty, in a strange...
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I’m on a lot of cold medication so it’s possible this isn’t as funny as I...
I’m on a lot of cold meds but I thought you’d enjoy. Or not. Stop judging me. I’m sick. They’re in my shop if you want one, but be aware that everyone you wear it around is going to tell you that...
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I’m having a hard time finding the words.
I wanted to announce this last night but I couldn’t find the words. Last night I found out that this strange little book I wrote (one I was sure would scare people away – one that I struggled with...
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